walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's official drugs can't kill me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
