You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
