shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
