Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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