So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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