jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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