Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
