It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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