Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
