I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
