Me too!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
