my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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