I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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