Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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