soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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