i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
