if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
