dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
