omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
