No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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