Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
