do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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