You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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