I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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