I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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