Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
