I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
