there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
worst night to have a conscience
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
