his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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