I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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