I met the friendliest cop last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
