dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
