Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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