oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
