There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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