went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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