Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
