So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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