So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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