Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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