I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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