Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
