I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
