Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
