I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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