I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
