I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
