I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize