I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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