you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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