when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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