You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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