K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
