I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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