Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
