How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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