dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
