All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
