I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
