Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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