Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
