You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
