Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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