i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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