Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
