Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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