Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
