Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
