Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
True college students do jello shots in the library
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
