i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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