Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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