Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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