What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
