If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
