I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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