So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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