now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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