Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
