operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
