I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have fence marks all over my body
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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