i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
