The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
