Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
