I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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