I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
