i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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