...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
