Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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