she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Terrible idea I love it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
