I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
