if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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