Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
