dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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