I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
