It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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