I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
