the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
