I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
