After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
how drunk are you?
Several
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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