some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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